The Gingerbread Chimera
by Kakashi1
Summary: Ever read the gingerbread man story....


Yami-chan demands credit for beta reading. Give her the credit. She is eating Jean(from X-men)'s face 'cause she said "big deal."  
Yami-chan: Hey! I am NOT a cannibal... I don't like to talk about it... It's not THAT big a problem, right?  
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It was a ... nice day in the land. And in the small Greywords Cotta...wait, Castle? That can't be right. Oh well. Anyway, we find an abnormally creepy priest doing something ... creepy.  
  
Rezo: "Yes. It's finished."  
  
Eris [stepping out from the shadows.]: "What wonders have you done now, Rezo?"  
  
Rezo: "I've created...[opens oven]...the gingerbread chimera!"  
  
Zelgadis: "Okay Rezo! THIS ISN'T FUNNY!"  
  
Rezo: "But you said you wanted to be popular. This is just the simplest way to do that."  
  
Zelgadis: "So you turned me into gingerbread! Gee, thanks."  
  
Rezo: "You're welcome."  
  
Zelgadis: "THAT WAS SARCASM! That's it! I'm outta here." [levitates out of the room]  
  
Eris: "Great, there he goes."  
  
Rezo: "You know I suddenly have a sweet tooth."  
  
Eris [sweatdrop]  
  
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After some time, the gingerbread chimera reached town. There, he flew down to a small cafe. After ordering a cup of coffee (which was promptly delivered,) a young couple notices him.  
  
Lina: "Hey, look at that guy!"  
  
Sylphiel: "Is he made of what I think he's made of?!"  
  
Lina: "Yeah, FOOD!"  
  
Zelgadis: "Frosting Arrow." [Lina is covered in goo.]  
  
Lina: "Grr....HOW DARE YOU! WHEN I GET YOU...!" [Sylphiel runs over to pull Lina out]  
  
Zelgadis [floats off]: "Try and run as fast as you can.You can't catch me. I'm the Gingerbread...chimera. Damn. That didn't rhyme at all."  
  
Waiter [walks over to Lina]: "I'm afraid you'll have to pay for that man's drink."  
  
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Later that day:  
  
Zelgadis [flying over a road]: "I'm supposed to be a heartless mystical swordsman. Look at me. Now I'm just a walking baked dessert."  
  
Suddenly, a burst of fire hits Zelgadis in the foot, sending him down to the ground and scuffing his shoe pretty badly.  
  
Zelgadis [looking around]: "Alright! Who-"  
  
But he was cut off by...  
  
Naga: "Aha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Okay Rumcake boy! You're-"  
  
Zelgadis: "Hold on! I'm made of gingerbread! You have the wrong dish."  
  
Naga: "Not even a little rumcake?"  
  
Zelgadis: "No."  
  
Naga: "Oh...Okay then."  
  
Zelgadis [floats off]: "Try and run as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the-"  
  
Naga: "Wasn't gonna try, unless you became rumcake!"  
  
Zelgadis [sweatdrop]: "Damn it! I know it didn't rhyme, but I still like saying it."  
  
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After flying many hours, the Gingerbread chimera reached a large city. There, he...drank coffee. He's just drinking coffee. Wonder if that's all he takes in? Oops...anyway, the Gingerbread chimera's drinking was interupted by...  
  
Amelia: "THE DEFENDER OF TRUTH AND JUSTICE!"  
  
Zelgadis: [sweatdrop, finishes coffee]  
  
Amelia: "And now vile servant of Gaav, the Demon Drumstick King, I shall smash you WITH THE HAMMER OF JUSTICE!"  
  
  
Zelgadis: "BAKED TILT!"   
  
That woosh funnel effect engulfed the defender of truth and justice. After dispelling, a crispy defender fell to the ground.  
  
Zelgadis: "And that's the demon DRAGON king."  
  
Amelia [blows out a puff of smoke]: "Oh, sorry."  
  
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After spending the night at an inn, the Gingerbread chimera continued his flight for many hours, until he reached...  
  
Zelgadis [smashes into the ground]: "OOOMPH!"  
  
...a magical anti-baked good barrier.  
  
Zelgadis [rubbing head]: "You could've warned me abo-"  
  
NO TALKING TO THE NARRATOR! Anyway, the Gingerbread chimera was in distress.  
  
Zelgadis: "I'm impressed by your mastery of the obvious."  
  
Ahem. He turned around to start travelling back, when he saw those familiar pursuers, with a hint of bloodlust in their eyes.  
  
Zelgadis: "Damn it!!"  
  
Lina: "I'LL GRIND YOUR BONES TO MAKE MY BREAD!"  
  
Zelgadis: O.o  
  
In a panic, the Gingerbread chimera turned around hoping to smash through the barrier. Unfortunately, though, he found himself face to face with...  
  
Xelloss: "Why Hello!"  
  
Zelgadis: "Damn it! What do you want?"  
  
Xelloss: "Why, I can take you through the barrier."  
  
Zelgadis: "And what do you want from me in exchange?"  
  
Xelloss [holding up the no-no finger]: "Why that is...a secret."  
  
Zelgadis [cloud breath]: "Guess I have no choice. Okay."  
  
And with that, the priest teleported the both of them into the barrier. Inside the barrier was a vast range of steep mountains. The priest continued to take the Gingerbread chimera from mountain to mountain, until they reached a cave.  
  
Xelloss: "Oh my, it seems that I've exhausted my powers. We're going to have to rest here, until my powers return."  
  
So the two went inside. But it was not very cave like in there. Actually, there was pink wallpaper a disco ball, and...Latin music? How'd he get that down there?!  
  
Xelloss: "Now that is a secret."  
  
Anyway...Hey! There's something else there! Oh my. It's a-  
  
Zelgadis: "Heart shaped king size bed?!"  
  
Xelloss: "Yes. Remember your part of the deal? Well, it's time to fulfill it. You see, I'm going to eat you."  
  
Zelgadis: "So why the love nest? Couldn't you have eaten me anywhere?"  
  
Xellosss: "Oh my. You don't seem to be getting what I'm saying! [opens eyes, sorta] You see, I'm going to EAT you."  
  
Zelgadis: "Wait, you mean...[big eyes] you're going to suck my-"  
  
Oh my. I'm just going to block you people out from seeing this naughty, naughty, naughty scene. I mean, I can still see it. And you know what, I'm enjoying it greatly. But you cannot and you know why? Because... I'M AN ASSHOLE!  
  
Kanzel: "He's a real fucking asshole!"  
  
I'M AN ASSHOLE!  
  
Seigrum: "He's the world's biggest asshole."  
  
Oh, hey! It should be okay now. We see frosting everywhere. Xel and Zel are in the bed, with ruffled sheets partially covering them. They are obviously naked, and Xel has frosting running down his chin. Damn, was that good. And only I got to see it. Ha ha ha!  
  
Well, that's it for this story. But for your enjoyment, here's Gourry dressed as Sailor Moon, and Zanguilus dressed as Sailor Mars. Actually, it's just for my enjoyment. You can leave now. 


End file.
